25 year old Male.USA.Positive for HSV2 (genital herpes)neurotic. A shape that has been contorted. A lyricist. A depressed. Stentorian. Searcher. Strength that demands respect, but its been temporarily disabled. Wanderer.Tattoos and Motorcycles.
I’m a kinda over the top person sometimes? Sometimes I may do something that someone or society deems….strange. (some of it is humorous)I don’t think it is though! It’s just how I go about things. So where does the story begin.. ahhh I know. So I work at a bar. Many nights this deaf girl has came in with her friends to drink. She is quite attractive and so lovely when she signs. Every time she comes into the bar I gather up the other bartenders and I’m like “oh man she is so fuckin cute!” I make sure to tell everyone this numerous times over.
So back when I first tested positive for HSV2 I signed up on Match.com to search the keyword “herpes” and see if I could find some love buried in a digital world. Needless to say, no, I didn’t ha! There was no one in my city that matched the keyword “Herpes.” Oh well, off to other things. Fast forward a year and some months here I am in present day. I get a wild hair up my ass and decide, I’m going to get back on match.com and see who’s in the area. At this point my concern over HSV is diminishing and confidence is spiking, so I no longer use the search word “herpes.” I just search. Low and behold, on the very first page is the deaf girl that comes into my bar all the time. The excitement races through me! Little things make me smile and I enjoy those. So what do I do? Well, being me, I pay $31.99 for a 1 month subscription JUST so I could message her. :-D that’s just how I am! I dunno! I tell her I work at a bar she frequents and I thought her smile was amazing.. So 3 days passes and she never messages me back. I’m like, well damn, maybe I’m not her type or unattractive to her.
On the 4th day its time to work the bar. As soon as I walk in the door I see her there, standing up and signing to a group of her friends. She is so animated and full of life and smiles when she signs, truly a beautiful sight. Well I tend to be a bit shy, weird how an ex-player like myself is somehow shy? I don’t know how that all happened? Anyways….I don’t make eye contact and I continue my work. (for the record she was on the other side of the bar) Eventually I see her and her friends get up and start to leave and I think well damn, there she goes, oh well. Then I see she is coming towards the bar before she leaves, I see she is making a trip to the restroom. She is right by me and I look at her and immediately look away. Then I think to myself “ah fuck it just look at her.” I start to stare and she stops, looks at me and I see her sign to me that “she see’s me.” I smile big and start to nod my head. I don’t know sign so I grab a piece of paper and pen and we start talking. I can’t express how exciting this was and how excited I was. Sure enough she gives me her number! I didn’t ask either! So we say our departures and split ways. Well she ended up coming back to the bar later that night to drop a friend off back at her car and we sat down and talked for a good 30 min. Her smile is only a million times better when your the one creating the smile and sitting right across from her. I told her that I always tell everyone that she is so pretty, she signs the word “bullshit” to me while making half attempts at saying the word with a huge smile across her face. I say no way!
The night starts to dwendel and we decide to part ways for the second time. I grab the piece of paper we had been writing on and jot something down, while shielding it so she cant read what I’m writing. I tear it from the page and proceed to walk her to her car. Once we got to her car we both smile big and she waves goodbye to me. I smile extra big to her and hand her my little piece of paper I tore off. It said “Sleep well and goodnight.” She got all giddy with smiles gave me a hug and my ass grinned the whole way back as I walked inside. Here I am the next night and decided I would tell you guys that story. We texted a little today and decided we are gonna get drinks on a later day. I’ve looked up some basic things to say in sign language today and I can’t wait to show her. Also I plan on keeping the first little page we talked on. I hold onto things that make me happy, and that little piece of paper is definitely one of those.
What I want is a woman that isn’t like me.
What I want is a woman that hasn’t been exposed to things I have.
What I want is a woman who is genuine.
What I want is a woman who is nothing like me.
What I want is a human that still has an innocence preserved in them.
To play the part of a wall would be an interesting role. Notify me when that position becomes available in a feature film. I could stand there and observe the things that surround. I could be a “punching bag” for when the times get rough. I could stand there unnoticed. Then again the role of the wall doesn’t sound much different from my real life.
High five to outbreaks!
You could go to the local zoo and talk to Giraffes. I’ve done that.
You could get drunk and hope to find the answers there. I’ve done that.
You could tear up your apartment and hope it makes sense. I’ve done that.
You could sleep and wake to a new day same problem. I’ve done that.
You could vow to yourself to figure out the bullshit and work through it the best possible. I DO THAT. It works ok. :) try it out!
I dare you to do a new more clear photo. I triple dog dare you
Although it is an old photo and I think it actually doesn’t look too much like me, well a bit but not much. I wimped on a new clear one. I guess I’m not all that ready for people to find out yet that I may know and tease me!